Penpalling tips: find and keep a great pen pal

Penpalling can be as simple as picking up a pen — but friendships that last usually take a little patience and planning. These tips come from the questions our members have asked us since 1995.

1 million+ members · 195+ countries · 30+ years connecting penpals

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Before you start: four questions

  1. 1How much time do I have? Once a week, once a month? Look for penpals who want to write about as often as you do, and ask early what they expect.
  2. 2What kind of penpal do I want? Someone to chat with, a language partner, or a fellow swapper, stamp collector or scrapbooker? Hobbies you’ll see on profiles.
  3. 3How will we write? Online, by post, or both. Letters or online?
  4. 4Who am I looking for? Country, age, language and interests — you’ll learn most by taking time to read people’s profiles.
How to choose the right penpal →

Keeping a penpal friendship going

Agree a rhythmTalk about how often you’d both like to write, and try to keep to it.
Keep asking questionsAnswer theirs properly and ask your own — it gives every letter something to reply to.
Keep notesBirthdays, pets, exams, news — jot them down so you remember next time. Conversations have a notes panel for this.
Remember the special daysA card or message on their birthday or a holiday means a lot.
Write to a few peopleNot every match lasts. Two or three conversations means you’re never waiting on just one.
Say when you need a breakLife gets busy. A quick note that you’ll be slower to reply is kinder than silence.
More tips for lasting friendships →

Stay safe while you write

Keep your first conversations on Global Penfriends, using the club’s own messaging. Contact details stay private until the Trust Progress box says trust is established, and postal addresses are always swapped with the Address button. Never send money to a penpal, and report anyone who makes you uncomfortable. How we keep members safe.

📖 Free ebook: every member can download Penpal Tips – An Introduction, our 13-page guide to getting started. Premium members also get two more: Keeping Friendships and Guide to Stationery. See the ebooks.

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